Cthulhu's Fhtagn.

Here you see what the Great Old One's call was referring to. It lies in the sunken city of R'lyeh.

Pizza, meatball sub, fries.

The Erect Pontiff

It looks like it's wearing a pope's hat. My most religious poop yet. Maybe people will pay for it on ebay.

Pilgrims' Supper

Thanksgiving dinner! And leftovers...

Fairly normal coloration. Looks like a turkey if you count the dark of the toilet hole as a set of tail feathers.

Jesus God

Damn. Gyros, Fried Chicken with Bleu Cheese, honey mustard AND Ranch dipping sauce.

The Bmay

Squint and tilt your head to the right. Now pretend it's wearing a backwards baseball cap.

Seraphic Shit

A most divine poop floating on clouds of wipe. Pizza?

Dancing Dookie

This energetic terpsichorean turd looks almost like it has dancing legs! Turkey panini and fries, mmmmm.

GrEAT POOpon

Just because I haven't had any mustard doesn't mean its not an applicable title. The point here is that there comes a time in every mans life when he can go no further. This is a time of reflection, perhaps some self praise, and certainly celebration. This is my achievement, this is my magnum opus. I didn't even have to wipe for god's sake. I DID NOT WIPE MY ASS.

I felt this shit post required a duel perspective. You will notice that half of the doody is submerged. It is a beast: a large, correctly colored, two pieced, single-bodied, masculine, crap.
This is my best shit of the month. Definitely the term. Maybe the year. Maybe even the year.


Does anyone even read this anymore? I ate a crab cake panini. Goddamn that was delicious.

Beelzebub's Bulb

"A wiked seed he doth lay,
who under soil keeps
Beelzebub, the devil's man
from hellish nightmares' deep"

- Dante's Divine Comedy (I think)




Sweet words for poop: (haven't used it yet but maybe I will start).


http://www.heptune.com/poopword.html#Poop%20(to%20do%20it,%20the%20verbs)


I ate two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, a Russian chicken sandwich and fries, carrot cake,
chicken nuggets and fries, spaghettios.


What did people think of the short story? Too good? Too boring? To much poo in the butt?

The Starfighters

20:01 Standard Time
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
The Sun Beaches of the Outer Orbit
========================
International Cosmos Coalition's
Second Orbital Space Station
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two men in their mid thirties are afloat in the cosmos around the Second International Space Station. Each of these men has devoted the majority of his life to becoming one of International Command's highly trained and incredibly specialized cosmonaut engineers. Each man has multiple Doctorates from Ivy League institutions, has memorized the Latin names of every known species on earth, is fluent in no less than four languages, and is about to be slaughtered in what will become the most feared way to die known to man. Fred even knew how to make a damn good burrito. I think that's what I will miss most about poor, about-to-die Fred, those scrumptious fucking burritos. The man knew Mexican Food.
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Ironically enough, it would be the Mexican food that Fred had lovingly cooked and presented to the crew of twenty-four (soon to be twenty-two) just three hours earlier (cosmos men eat on the early side) that would be the near-imminent death of him and poor Finnius.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At 19:50 The men departed through the airlock and into the grandness of the Outer Orbit, as close to the sun as man could ever get. At 19:54 Finnius cracks a joke about Fred's Mexican Food. Fred retorts with a joke about Finnius' name. Both mens' feelings are secretly hurt.
******************************************************************************************
At 19:06 they have reached the external sensors of the station and have fallen to looking them over with the care of a mother nursing her young. To Fred, who has felt since the age of three that he is a man trapped in a woman's body, and that his highest calling is to nurse a pair of young with his own breasts, this comparison is not all that far off. He undoes his chest flap on his nano-hydraulic exosuit and pushes forward the moist teat of his oil bottle, stopping only when his dear child seems satisfied and well lubricated. Finnius looks on briefly in veiled disgust and then proceeds to initiate the program that would go through each of the scanners, testing first for hardware and software malfunctions, and then for their ability to carry out their vital roles on man's presence in space.

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

The scanners have been working seemingly well, but the last few days they had been picking up on wavelengths they had not been assigned too. There was no real problem, just little aberattions and outliers popped up that could not possibly be true because they fit the profile of a different wave altogther. Or so the poor, foolish Finnius and Fred had thought. In fact, that had detected something most sinister.

"You know, Finnius, I don't really think that your name is dumb. It is a fine name, to be sure." Fred adjusts his pipe in his exosuit and blows a blast of smoke.

"Well Fred, I didn't mean what I said about your cooking either. I've never gotten sick from any of the burritos. That was an awfully mean joke and I wish I hadnt I saiden it t'all.

19:59 - Finnius poots.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

It isn't a loud poot at all, nay, it is a soft one, a deliacate celebration of anal wind, that carries not too much smell. However, it is just loud enough for Fred, whose face goes red (thinking of his food making poor Finnius ill, which believes now not to be a joke at all), to hear it. Well, him and the five hundred Fecelian Ass-Dasher class Ass-ault vessels parked on the far side of Uranus who have had their SennsoASSrs attuned to this general direction for days, that is.

##################################################################

20:01

The two men are afloat in space. After Finnius' soft fart comes the terrible thunder of the flatulence of ten thousand bubonic death-crows, all farting at once. This sound is the Grand Admiral's second Fecelian Diarrheatic Navy approaching near the speed of light to rip the two men to shreds, anus first.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

20:01:30

The Fecelian navy, having arrived next to their prey, lock their small, poopish craft onto the terrified ani of the two cosmonauts with the large ivory claws that protrude from the ships, and thus begin to enlarge the mens' growing doodies with their terrible fecal based rays.

The stools, growing far too large for their anal home began pressing and heaving against the mens insides and, in but a moment, the two humans are nothing but deadly doo doo, from the inside out. They have been effectively exploded by their own waste, which they are now awash in.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

20:01:46

The Fecelian Conquest of Earth begans. Hold on to your butthole.

The Snorkel

It's the guest poop!

Schwartz: While it may be hard to tell from the picture this poo is actually spanning from out of view to out of the water. I was fortunate enough to get one of the only normal looking poos since pledge term started on camera. I don't know what I ate, but it was probably something like foco cheesesteak, collis pasta, or any other menu item that hasn't changed in the last 4 terms.

Welte: Now maybe I am seeing this wrong, but it would appear that the end of that dookie is curved. Actually, to be honest, it looks almost bent. It has nice (read: normal) coloration to it, and apparently some damn good length. But, damn man, how did it actually bend against the toilet (I m assuming Schwartz does not poop in a manner that would allow his pool deposit to do an almost 90 degree bend). Was it just that much mass compacted in there, with thus such a density that it conformed to the curvature of the toilet? Was it like toothpaste on dry ground? Maybe I am just not familiar with basic observational physics, but it seems that he has accomplished something I could not. And that is the sort of man he is. He comes through when others are too weak, when they let you down, or are lacking in merrits of justice and truth.

Not to mention this poop has the sort of fortitude you would expect from someone as dependable as Schwartz. This feces is a manifestation of the dependability we have come to see from the man. I salute you and your curved wonder of a formidable dookie.

The Disillusioned Nun

Carvery ham and munster with those curly french fries for lunch today, sushi and cheetos last night for dinner.

This poop is wrought with the apathetic grief of a nun disillusioned with her cloister.

Birth of a Tzar

Read all the way through for a special announcement at the end.
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Ohmygod I'm sooooooo proud right now. Look. Just look at it. No glare, no sunken deposit, this has the shine and body of a deposed Russian Monarch. This a recreation of a magnificent shit I took in a Japanese toilet once (highly NOT recommended).

I'd been holding it in all day to try and catch up with the blog first AND LOOK HOW IT PAID OFF!!! Incredible length, perfect body and breadth on both logs. Look at these beauties!

Not to mention this photograph. I mean, it's almost artistic. I dunno bout you, but I see the curve of a summertime-hill with a urnine-yellow sunset and a dappling of cloud atop.

This is my holy grail - this is the man poo I knew I was capable of that I wanted to show you all - this is my potential.

--------Special Announcement--------------

This week and next there will be, along with my regular poo poo's, two, yes I said TWO volunteer guest pooers! One will be a normal guest entry where he/she will pick the name and write a few sentences and then I will write in the same entry about how the poo is a manifestation of their personality or something. I don't know. The other volunteer, for next week, is going to be a ......


PHANTOM POOPER in which a murder mystery-esque scenario means you - the readers - have to guess whodunit!!!

A Pile of Shit

A pile of shit. It was going fine until that weird liquid-ish shit came out. before that it was basically normal.

Ate a BBQ chicken sandwich and a buffalo chicken sandwich somewhere along the line I think. DEFINITELY been eating too much carrot cake.

Holy crap this is so gross I can't believe it came from inside me.

The Mad Bomber

This shit was REAL. I am so mad that there is glare, but you can kind of see why I am so excited. Two rich, full-bodied logs NOT floating (but not sunk either) with a decent poopy color. I ate grilled cheese with tomato, fries, Russian chicken sanwich, fuck yeaahh.

Four Fecal Finger Friends

It's poop. Looks kinda like fingers clawing at my anus from out of the toilet. I ate food.

My Worst Fear

God. Damn. It. I work hard for the reader. Even if I am not always on time - I still snap all ma shits. Whycome when I finally get where I wanna be this happens. You can barely see it. I am too upset to write more.

The Sweet Rose

First of all, I must apologize. There is no excuse for having gone so long without posting. Let me assure you that, although I have been outrageously late with the blog updates themselves, I have - with the usual high quality photography you have come to expect and enjoy - all of my fecal matter since the last post.

For those of you who do not believe me: Shame. Shame, I say.

This poo that you see before you was taken prior to a trip to Canada. As you can regretfully see the color of the doo doo has regressed to that weird ass orange that has had me worried. Not bad on the amount pooed, but the form leaves a lot to be desired.

Can't much remember what I ate. I know there were some french fries and a chocolate chip cookie somewhere along the way. I wouldn't doubt a grilled cheese made up a bit of this one as well.

Man Poo

I am a little disappointed in its length, but it appears that my health has increased to the point where I am developing, and deploying, a finer example of man (not monkey) fecal matter.

I apologize for the quality of the picture, it was taken on my cell phone which was all I had available at the moment.

It should be noted that I ingested shrimp, rice, green beans, a tuna sandwich, and chips.

The Fugitive

Today's poop from JUST now.


Why do they keep escaping? I guess the mass (and my aim) causes for the larger, more well-bodied craps to go right down? I mean, I am happy the floaters are gone, that shit was gross, but now I can't even get a good shot.

I ate some stir fry and a breakfast wrap and sushi.

This could have been a prime specimen, but we'll never know, now will we?

Thor's Bicep

Look at the girth of this thing. No, you're not seeing it wrong, it was that wide - I should know, it came out of me.

I am so, so, so, so, so, so disappointed that the mass of this thing caused it to go right down into the toilet and I couldn't get a better shot. I wonder how long it was.

This approaches the man-poop I am striving for.

The Regressive Wench

I had Chinese food for lunch. Apparently that took me back to the more reddish-diarrhea we've come to expect. Damn.

Some possible "leftovers" from previous weekend meals may also be adversely effecting the poo-stew.

Claws from the Netherworld

These little demons waited all Friday, Saturday, and a bit o' Sunday to claw their way out of the furnace this afternoon.

Again, we are seeing a return to the proper coloration and substance, even if I am still not quite getting the body I want. We are still getting too many smaller poops and not enough consolidated man logs.

Considering I ate: Indian samosas, spaghetti, garlic bread, a breakfast croissant with sausage and hash browns (TWICE) crustinis, ham, bow-tie macaronis, and salad, this a pretty tame poo poo.

Liquid pooooo

Diarrhea.

Because, Diarrhea.

I now know how to spell Diarrhea.

diarrheaaaa

It was only a matter of time. I ate some sushi and liek a sandwich and like some cashew chicken.

The glare off the "liquid poo floats" that glossed over the surface is preventing any good view of the arguably well shaped (for diarrhea) logs.

The Poop Train

I ate: 20 Friehofer (sp?) cookies, chicken soup, straight mayonnaise, mayonnaise with roast beef, some goldfish, and tandoori chicken.

Check out the sweet connection of two logs defined in the larger log. That's how it's supposed to go down: link shit together.

The Mammoth's Tusk

Unfortunately this picture gives you no insight into the mammoth portions of my dump. Just realize that the logs are at an angle.

Can't remember what I ate. I think it looks that way cause I'm feeling better and it looks more like the way a man's poop should look.

Accomplishment

It appears to me that, along with feeling better, the color is coming back in to my poop. Also, albeit the fact that it is broken (always a disappointment) look at the size o' this shit.

I think my favorite part of this picture is that there is almost a cross-section of the piece on the right, you can kind of see the perforations and layered formation of the feces. Reminds me of one of those star wars cross section books where you can see like the inner workings of the death star and shit.

The Snake Pit

Food I ate while not pooping: chicken nuggets, back to the cheese queso, a turkey sandwich w/ chips and a pickle, a roast beef sandwich w/ hips and a pickle, a southern-style McDonalds chicken sandwich with fries, lots of birthday cake, and two pieces of tuna sushi.

It is my belief that the diversity of my fecal reagents is manifested in the variety and quantity of the snakes in the snake pit.

A Sad Day

There was no poop on Saturday, and for that I am sorry.

Another Disapointment

I am writing this on the toilet.

Moments ago I shouted at my friend, as I pushed him out of my way, that I needed to go to the bathroom, now. His response was something along the lines of, "but it's the other way" or some crap, I don't know.

The point is, as I have gone about this endeavor, I have realized I have become a prejudiced man. I don't consider all bathrooms to be equal. I judge them on the... type of their toilet.

It's the goddamn auto-flush. I can barely snap the pic before the bastard is hauling off my long awaited reddish-taupe colored treasure. BB's bathrooms are dead to me. I can't use them if I need to boom-boom.

FM- now them bathrooms the shits. Clean a fuck, no one around, and they have flush handles.

About an hour and a half ago I started to feel it, growing inside me, like some sort of unholy parasite it has been an enormous strain on my energy. I now remember the glee with which I devoured the remainders of my Chinese food last night (sesame chicken, crab rangoon, fried rice), at two in the morning, only about five hours after an enormous meal of meatloaf and mashed potatoes with extra gravy.

Then it hit me, about ten minutes ago, and I was in BB. There are not bathrooms there. I waddled as fast as the bun in the oven would allow, trying to think of where the closest flush-handle toilet would be. I will post this and the picture after I poop. I hope it is as awesome as the agony I have gone through.
----------------------------------
Dammit. Just another set of floaters. Fuck, I need to get over this sickness.

Gastric Nightmare

Not yet diarrhea, but it may have well as been. Felt like I'd been punched on the inside. Notice the lack of substance and a light density. Eww. Also, there is a lovely sesame seed pattern from my sesame Chicken Chinese food.

Now, the question is, do you prefer the nutty brilliance of the cashew lining, or the subtlety of the small, distinct sesame seed shape?

Let's hope for something more epic than small shits and near diarrhea tomorrow.

Disapointment

This poop was disappointing. I guess it looks that way cause I booted all my din din up last night.

The Littlest Princess

Shit was dainty as fuck. Had proper manners and Shit.


Basically just a bit leftover from The Sleeper to be honest. General Tso may have had something to do with the color?

The Sleeper

All right, this boom boom gave me a couple of surprises. First of all, I was surprised that it actually has some well defined logs and a decent substance to it. I am surprised at this because it was a sleeper.

At about one thirty in the morning I realized I had to go. What did I do about it? Nothing. I had already climbed up to my top bunk, and once I am settled in, I move for no turd.

Never mind the fact that I then watched LOST for an hour and a half, I was in bed. Then I was late to class in the morning and still didn't have time to go! After class I was so tired, as I didn't get much sleep (remember - i had to go poop all night!) that I went back and napped till three-thirty. Then I pooped.

I am not really sure what the paper thing to the left is... there was no toilet paper in the vicinity when I took the picture. Also, if you look closely - there are nuts which make a pretty pattern along the body of each log (I love cashews).

The second surprise was when I went to take the picture, the toilet flushed! I had forgotten I was on an auto-flusher. I ALMOST DIDN'T GET A PICTURE OF MY POOP.

The Toxic Blob

This was particularly nasty fifteen minutes on the pot that was a direct result of both my plague-like sickness from over the last couple of days and my steady diet of chips and cheese queso. While not burning that much, the poo poo came out in disappointingly small bursts, adding greatly to my agony. It was like trying to roll out the last bits of toothpaste I guess.

Upon its deployment in the vessel it all congealed into one nearly smooth blob - with no definable "logs" - the likes of which I have not oft seen. This was definitely one of my grosser movements, and a great disappointment of the day.
It also smelled.